Category: Writing

Articles that were written by me that don’t advertise products primarily

Categories
Food Life Writing

Girl Scout Cookies: Oh How The Cookie Crumbles

I like Girl Scout Thin Mints. They taste awesome and you’re helping a Non Profit whose goal is to turn  little girls into trained assassins for hire.

But I found a problem with this years batch of Thin Mints… They tasted a little off and the box became empty much to soon. Then I found a box of last years thin mints hidden away in my cupboard and made a startling discovery… There are less of them…For reference, the bigger box is last years crop. As you can see from the image, last years box garnered you 36 cookies while this years only gives you 28…

But wait theres more! While the serving size of 4 cookies remains the same, the Nutrition factoids have changed… And not for the better… If you look closely you’ll see that Saturated Fat has increased by .5 of a Gram. Additionally Total Carbohydrates have increased by Over 2 Grams!

I leave you with the other side of the box to mull over. As you can see the Girl scouts no longer tout to promote Strong Friendships or Strong Values. Assassins don’t need those, instead they need financial skills such as goal setting, decision-making, customer-service, and money management. Does this mean that the Girl Scouts are ready to move onto stage 2 of their plan?  I can’t talk much longer for I fear they’ve already tracked my location… Already I can hear the whir of a helicopter overhead… Be very afraid America… Be very afraid… The girl scouts are coming for you!

Categories
Writing

Bathymetry Haiku

I had to write an oceanography themed poem on my timed Oceanography test. My knowledge of poetry is limited to limited to haiku, limericks, and iambic pentameter. So you work with what you know. Without further ado, I give you this hastily written literary splendor

Bathymetry Haiku

Bathymetry is
the measuring of the sea
How low can it go?

First they used a rope
to measure the oceans depth
that takes way to long

Then Echo Sounders
Ping Ping Now you know the depth
This is much faster

Even using a
multi-beam system to map
One centuries time

The eye in the sky
could be used to map the sea
how, is the question?

Distortion of Sea
lets Satellites measure the
depths of the ocean

Erik Persson

Categories
Life Writing

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo!

Buffalo

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo!

This is actually a proper sentence. How you may ask? Why, through the wonderful homophone! A homophone is a word with more than one meaning. In the case of buffalo it means the animal, the city in New York (which is famous for it’s hot wings), and the verb which means to bully. So basically the sentence is saying that the buffalo from Buffalo, which other Buffalonian buffalo buffalo, also buffalo Buffalo buffalo. See easy!

For more info on this and other homophones visit Wikipedia!

Categories
Site Writing

9 Weird Words That Amuse Me

The English language is full of weird or interesting words describing minuscule or gigantic occurrences. Some are remarkably specific and some are obtuse. Enough with the intro! Onto the list!

  1. Defenestrate: I love this verb. It means to throw out a window. With only one more syllable you could just say “thrown out a window”.

  2. Agnomen: It’s another name for a nickname. The mind boggles… Personally I just like the way it rolls off my tongue. Plus it sounds like a name for an evil wizard.

  3. Crapulous: Describing one who ingests to much food or alcohol. A specific word that has been simplified to have a more general meaning. Here I thought that crap was just slang for fecal matter.

  4. Doppelganger: This is another one of those words that is just fun to say. Try it. Now try it again. See? A doppelganger refers someone or something that resembles a person in some way. Also if the word is used in literature the doppelganger is always evil.

  5. Ambergris: Such a lovely word. Ambergris is a product used in expensive perfumes. People have described Ambergris’s raw scent as sweet and earthy. It’s so rare that just a gram of it is worth 20$. So now what is this Ambergris you ask? Simply put its whale vomit.

  6. Deus Ex Machina: This one gets special mention because for the longest time I pronounced the “Deus” part like “moose”. Turns out you pronounce it like “day us”. Deus Ex Machina refers to an improbable quick solution to a current arduous plot.

  7. Frabjous: Random fact about me. I can recite “The Jabberwocky” from memory. Ask me some time. I even have voices and hand gestures for it. Anywho, frabjous means joyful, wonderful, great, or any other positive word. Most commonly uttered as “Oh frabjous day!” while chortling with joy. The word and many more were penned by Lewis Carroll of “Alice in Wonderland” fame.

  8. Fop: A fop was the middle ages version of a metrosexual. It describes a vain man who is mainly concerned with his clothing and appearance. The word is even funnier in its adjective form, foppish.

  9. Hemidemisemiquaver: A musical note having the time value of a sixty-fourth of a whole note. There is absolutely nothing funny about this whatsoever.

Now that you’ve finished reading this you might ask yourself, “Why is this list here?” Well its rather simple really. Its for a contest. Plus it was pretty fun to come up with weird words. Heres a link to the contest if you’d like to try your hand at it. Hurry up though since it ends this Thursday.